Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Illness with Fibro

Today I’m not just in Fibro pain.  CFS is rearing its ugly head, and I have a kidney infection as well.  Last night I slept wrapped in heating pads trying to keep the pain down... checking the clock every few moments to see if I could call my doctor yet.   

It really seems like there is no Silver Lining to being sick while you have Fibro.  It’s all grey and dreary and the clouds are too dang thick.  On top of your incomprehensible pain, your immune system is attacking your body as well.  It’s the final betrayal... not only has your body succumbed to the permanence of chronic pain, it has also opened the gates to more.

Except that unlike Fibro, this will pass.  Unlike a chronic illness, it’s only a temporary agony.  There are antibiotics, there is an abundance of cold medicines, supplements, and treatment plans. It’s treatable. Doctors believe in colds and infections... diseases that can be measured and tested.  Many don’t believe in Fibro or CFS (or a litany of other pain-based chronic illnesses), and finding effective treatment is nigh impossible.

Compared to the fight against a chronic illness, almost any “normal” illness becomes an easy battle.
And that, my friends, is a Silver Lining, and the only thing keeping me from collapsing from this damn pain and fatigue.

Friday, April 20, 2012


Today the pain is bad enough that I want nothing more to be in bed. When you have a little boy that is 1 1/2 years old and extremely mischievous, that is impossible. I need to be active and alert for him. I was sitting at the kitchen table a few minutes ago, resting in between loading the dishwasher, and watching him play with his cars on the living room floor. It really sounded like he was pretending the cars were talking to each other. I cannot believe how quickly this day has come.

It has me looking back on the last 18 months, and how much he has helped me cope with my Fibro and CFS... how tending to his needs keeps me out of bed and (usually) out of depression. I wonder if I would be forcing myself to move around, to pick up the house, or take a walk without him to push me into it.

He’s sitting beside me now, coloring in a coloring book and talking to me. My back is screaming at me... but he just picked up the word “blue” 30 seconds ago.

I wouldn’t miss this Silver Lining for the world.