Thursday, October 20, 2011
While reading the book How To be Sick, my view of life changed pretty drastically. I began to view Fibro as a separate entity residing in my body... a parasite, or second personality. I'd talk to it. I'd bargain with it. I would tell it that if I could have a low pain Saturday, I'd stay in bed all day Sunday. And with that separation between Erin and Fibromyalgia, I began to gain some understanding of my own fight with this illness and how to live around it. I never considered that with the bargains I was making, I was really learning to manage my energy and pain levels. I now know that my energy is not that dissimilar from a credit card with horrible interest rates and a really low limit. Any energy I expend reduces my available "credit." Overdoing things and pushing myself past my body's limits is no different than going over my credit limit. And just like with a credit card, I will have to pay everything back with interest if I don't repay the loan immediately. With this view, my medications, pain pills, and naps seem no different than the monthly payments I need to make to protect myself from additional "fees" like a flare. I learned that paying my "bills" on time and not going over my limit made the pain shorter, and often less intense. When it's time for the Fibro to collect and my bill is due, I surrender without a fight... Because I accept that I took on this debt. By accepting that I would be paying for every activity with interest, I began budgeting my energy the way I try to budget our finances. I manage my energy usage the way I do my credit cards... And like with the credit account cards, I get better at it every day.