Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A little look into my life...

A little look into my life....

I am very honest in the fact that I truly believe I have had Fibromyalgia or a pain disorder since I was born.  I was 2 years old when I started stumbling and twisting my ankles.  I would cry for hours instead of the normal few minutes here and there.  

I remember a very blunt and vivid incident when I was probably 12/13.  I fell off the front porch of our apartment (normal step 6-8 inches).  I twisted my ankle so bad that I tore the ligaments in my ankle.  A very painful experience but because I would only cry in front of my mother they claimed I wasn't really in pain.  OKAY, REALLY???? 

No, Let me explain it.  Starting at 2 I began experiencing pain worse than any child should.  So excuse me that 10 years later, the only person I trusted to come into that pain filled world was my mother.  Even she began to believe the doctors.

Oh, I was attention seeking; No, I was exaggerating, I had a low pain tolerance, I was being a baby, I was sheltered.... and the list goes on and on.  I will never look at doctors the same because of what I went through growing up.  

Now, let’s add to the Fibromyalgia (or the possibility of a pain disorder) the fact that my childhood SUCKED!  My parents divorced at the ripe YOUNG age of 5.  I was about to start my Kindergarten year of school.  My father literally left in the middle of the night and did not even tell me goodbye.  My mom had a miscarriage that I actually remember.  (Side note: She didn't “tell” me I just knew she wasn't well as most kids do. I walked in the bathroom just as she was cleaning herself up.  Enough said on that.)

I then was in a tug of war between my parents. Actually more of a LET ME PULL THE HELL OUT OF MY DAUGHTER by my Dad.  My mom was not perfect in her life, but in mine she was.  I never went without. If I did it wasn't to the point that I ever felt I was missing something.  My father on the other hand was very much in and out of my life.  He would degrade my mom because she was on welfare.  She was 17 when she met him, got married, and got pregnant with me.  She worked up until she was married and he joined the Navy and they moved away.  She was a wife and mother until my father left.  (Yes, I was a Navy brat (GO USA!!!!) for the first 4 years of my life.)

My mother was always by my side.  I will say she met a man who was not good for us at all.  He was an alcoholic and drug user.  The only good thing about him in our life was my sisters.  He was a major stress for my life up until my mom met her current husband within one week of me meeting my first husband.  At that point my mom had finally kicked him out.  So from the time I was 5 until I was 18 (13 years). I had to worry about abuse to my mom. His alcoholic idiotic self would beat my  mom, come in drunk, break our furniture and so forth.  That added a lot to my stress load.

So back to my mom being a great supporter.  She always believed in me.  She still does.  So when I started seeing my mom complain in pain, I knew something was wrong.  It took several years and many doctors telling her different things before she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  She still didn't get special treatment just the normal pain meds and a sucky Rheumatologist. 

After many years of not knowing why I was feeling the way I was.  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2008.  I found a doctor that listened to me.  She was amazing.  My battle for those 30 years was very real.  She stated (in her opinion) that Fibromyalgia could be hereditary.  More exactly, she said, “How can I say it's not.”  My medical record follows very closely beside my mothers (minus all the lung issues due to her chronic smoking habit). 

My diagnosis was based on a pressure point test.  (Hind Site: she better be glad she didn't warn me 100% what that would feel like or I would have chickened out.)  I did flunk it or pass it depending on how you look at it  with 11 of the 18 trigger points being major.  That along with my chronic pain, loss of energy, and more things I can't even remember today.   The doctor referred me to a Rheumatologist.  

I wasn't able to see him for 2 ½ years due to him not being covered by my insurance plan.  OMG, when I did, he was pissed!!! He said I not only had Fibromyalgia (16 of 18 trigger points at this stage were major) but he wanted blood work.  11 tubes of blood later and 3 weeks waiting on the special tests I was sitting on his exam table with my bestie beside me.   He told me from my exam's and blood work I had more than just Fibromyalgia.  He informed me that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis and LUPUS (non active).  

I will never forget that day. It rang through me like a wrecking ball.  How was I going to deal with these two diseases on top of what I was already dealing with?  Then it dawned on me... I had them the whole time just now I could possibly get some medicine to help the symptoms.  I found a little relief in that. 

Now here I sit with active LUPUS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Spinal Stenosis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Anemia, General Arthritis, Bursitis, Migraines, and the list goes on.  I am blessed to say that I am raising my now 7 and 9 year old children.  I keep my house managed (ok not every day but give me a break please) and stocked up
I started this by stating I believe that I believe my Fibromyalgia is hereditary.  Well most of my diagnosis' are things I have had since I was born.  They were in my DNA, cells, blood, and etc.  Somehow I was going to have these things.  I just wish they would find a test that could find these things way earlier.  I know they have come leaps and bounds with Juvenile diagnosis' since I was young.  I wonder if they came out with a test that would tell me what my children will have if I would actually have that test ran.  Or would allow them to fight life with all they have and not worry about it until the symptoms came up.... Makes you think.